Untitled Blog Post number 4

January 16^th 2013

I started working out again yesterday and I feel great! Ever since getting here I haven’t really understood how to work out. There are a few gyms, but they don’t look even as good at the terrible gyms in Minneapolis, and I can’t run because of the air pollution. I’ve decided I want to get back into running, but start very minimal, and only do it about once or twice a week.

Luckily for me, after a whole 4 months of getting in the grove of things, my fellow teachers have invited me to join in their new years resolutions with them. We are going to have kick ass bodies after this semester. One of the teachers downloaded Insanity Beach Body, and we are doing the 30 day challenge. We are going to work out 4 days a week after school. My plan is to take Friday as a rest day, go for a long walk on Saturday, and a short run (2 milesish) on Sundays. I’ll see how it goes. Today was the second day and I’m sore from head to toe, but my energy levels have spiked. After we finished the workout we all headed out to socialize for a bit and I was pretty giggly. Then I came home, turned on my happy music and danced around my living room for another 20 minutes. Then I reorganized two of my drawers, folded and put away my laundry, cleaned off the kitchen table and did my dishes.

It is pretty clear to me my body has missed this like crazy. Glad to be back at it, and I’m hoping it continues to go as well as it has. My semester of grad school (yes I decided to do it) starts in less than a week. It’s going to be tough to balance everything, but anyone who knows anything about me, knows that time management is my biggest strength. Excited to be back in the grind.

Also today something just feels right about life. The last few weeks I’ve been, almost, regretting coming to Tirana. I’ve just been thinking way too much about the other decisions I could have made and how different my life would be.  It may have something to do with the fact that I’m almost 23. When I was little I always thought I would get married when I was 23. I have no clue why, but I just did. Recently part of me has wondered what that life would have been like, and I’ve been desiring it a bit too much. Tonight, as I danced around my living room I realized I wouldn’t want my life to be any other way than how it is right now. Free, unattached, and beautiful. I can go anywhere, and I can do anything I set my mind to. I’m invincible! Then I found this quote:

January 19^th 2012

I have no desire to visit the Eiffel tower, but some days I just want to be anywhere but here. I looked into purchasing a flight home today.

January 20^th 2012

So confused. Before winter break I was thinking I didn’t want to go home this summer so that I could travel. Now I just want to go home more than anything in the world. I want to hug my niece and nephew, spend a few hours playing with them and reading books, and take them out for ice cream. Then I want to meet up with my brothers for some IPA and stout while we watch a packer game together. I want to have a cup of tea with my mom face to face, followed by a run with my dad.  I want to meet up with my college friends and go to terrible horrible college bars, and dance to terrible horrible music. I want to go to a bluegrass show and dance until my legs hurt. Then I want to wake up in the morning have a bloody mary, a burger with cheddar, some more IPA and fly back to Tirana. I’m hoping that the 9 mile hike in the mountains this weekend will be able to get me through until spring break.

A little later in the day

I think I’m a bit depressed. Mostly because I haven’t seen sunlight in about a week, and I had a crazy weekend. I need some vitamin D and some more sleep ASAP.

Here is a list of some things that make me happy:

1. Smiling: sometimes just working those muscles is all it takes
2. My friends: I have the best
3. A nice dinner out. This is needed sometimes. I mean asparagus cream soup, fresh bread, gnocchi, tiramisu, and wine? Who could want more?
4. Dancing. Exercise in general, really. Sit ups, walking, but mostly dancing in my living room to happy music.
5. Happy music. Seriously. For future depressed and sad Tiara reading this: stop listening to Ryan Adams and The Very Best on repeat. Turn on some happy bluegrass, or some p-funk. Also just force yourself to dance for 10 minutes.
6. Planning for the future. This is kind of depressing. Just live in the present Tiara, right? But at the same point. Thinking about my weekend trip and where I could be next year is pretty damn exciting.
7. Water. Chug it. I can never have enough.
8. Thinking about much more complicated my life COULD be. I talked to my mom today about how thankful I am I only have to make decisions for myself.
9. Thinking about how I can be a better teacher. I’m not a bad teacher, but I know I can be better. And when I think about those cute faces I want to be.
10. Getting out of the house. After 4 hours of sitting at home on the computer, I’m done for. I just hate being alone.

January 25^th 2012

When I think about all the havoc I managed to wreak in one night of my life it is unbelievable. One more shot than I needed, one mistaken kiss, one break up, one relationship, another dozen or so partial breakups, and finally one dumb discussion about one suggestion of a potential dream. Here I am Albania. All thanks to one too many shots. I mean “shots” in multiple ways. But whoever said drinking causes people to make bad decisions had no idea what they were talking about.

February 2^nd 2012

While walking home for the bars at 2:30 this morning completely stone sober I realized how out of my element I am here. No running, no hops, no bluegrass. I actually do know who I am. I’m a beer drinking, bluegrass dancing girl, who likes to long distance run in her free time. I don’t know how many more nights of half assed dancing and enjoying myself I can stand. I just want to go dance at a live bluegrass show after drinking a fair amount of delicious beers followed by some whiskey gingers. And then I want to wake up and go for a 4 mile run by Stone Arch the following morning. I’m trying Tirana! Tonight ended in a few tears. I have to shake these mood swing somehow.

In other news I’m throwing myself into research for my final class! And by “throwing myself into it” I mean procrastinating and being very confused about what being a student is. My topic: How to teach literacy skills to students of varying English skills. My research: how to create reading groups with zero materials and resources. This will be fun.

Also, I hate men. Mostly just, aggressive and crazy Albanian men who think they can just have any girl they want. Do they think I’m dumb?

Switzerland: we danced, and we cried, and we laughed and had a really good time

Coffee along with some much needed wi-fi to check into our lives in the morning, followed by attempting to exchange some money and retrieve my card. This was a failure because the line was far too long and we didn't want to miss our train. We took 3 trains to get to Switzerland, since our pass didn't cover the one through Austria. None of them we're bad trains and we made all the ones we wanted. Daryn's friend Jenna and her husband we waiting for us when we arrived. I immediately felt welcomed to their home. Florim (Jenna's husband's family is originally from what is now Kosovo, and it was interesting to talk to him about his family.) Jenna was also very interested in my experience abroad, and it talking with me about my culture shock, since she also has experienced this living abroad.

For dinner we had some delicious fondue, which is a very common meal in Switzerland. We went for a short after dinner walk around their town, and I was in love with how much character it had. Each village has a castle, and the city of Yverdon Les-Bains (where we stayed) was right on the largest lake in Switzerland. The lake was covered in swans and located near some small cabins. None of the cabins are allowed to be on the lake because then less people would be able to enjoy it. How smart is that!?!? Also there are only a few streets you are allowed to drive on, making for a very relaxing small city life, and leading people to enjoy walking everywhere. These little things made me hate the chaos and mindless ways of Albania. We stopped for one beer at a cute little bar/cafe and headed home to get some sleep because tomorrow we were headed to the alps!

First views after arriving

A quick breakfast was followed by putting on winter gear, and heading into the car to drive on the dark highway to the alps. The sun began to come out as we drove and I felt again as though I'd never seen mountains before in my entire life. The sun was beginning to radiate off the snow as Jenna explained to us the history of cities, and pointed out beautiful and interesting sights along the way. Switzerland is a very interesting country and a lot of their politics make a ton of sense. For example trash bags cost a lot of money causing people to be more conciencous of how much waste they are producing. You also have to pay every time you need a bag at a store, which causes people to always carry reusable bags with them. Get on board America! Once we arrived at Les Diablerets (the village we would be in for the day) we stopped to get some cheese and fruit for our picnic later in the afternoon. Florim (Jenna's husband) then rented our sleds and warned us that conditions on the trail weren't great, because it had just snowed, so we wouldn't be going very fast. We were fine with this as we were quite nervous. We all hopped onto the ski lifts to make it to the top, and I was already in awe of the breathtaking views.

At the top of the mountain.

The first time down the hill was in fact slow, but the last portion was fast and extremely fun. Lunch was a typical Swiss picnic, consisting of bread, cheese, and wine. Apparently Swiss people never eat crackers with their cheese! This is crazy! Anyway after finishing our 2 bottles of wine we were feeling quite good and ready for our 2nd trip down.

Lunch :)

Of course me and Jenna both needed to use the bathroom and had quite a difficult time finding one, so we ended up going in the front of the car. Don't worry, we covered it up with snow. The second time down was much quicker, because the sun had melted some of the snow. It was way more fun that the first time was, and by the time we reached the bottom we were ready for our 3rd time. The 3rd time was cold, and by the end of it I was ready to get into the heated car and home for a hot shower.

Midway down break

We headed into the city of Lausanne to meet a few of Florim's friends (it was one of their birthdays.) It was also a gorgeous city. Lausanne is built on many different levels, and apparently directions come not only in the form of left and right, but also up and down. There was a beautiful Cathedral (after the Munich night pictures I didn't even attempt to take any pictures to capture the beauty) and at every hour a man comes out to call our the time. It was very interesting to see, and he even asked us how we were! After meeting Florims friends we headed to a nearby bar (where Florim used to work) and had one beer. During this time we talked a lot about Albanian men. One of Florim's cousins was once pressured to marry an Albanian man, but is now dating a guy from Italy. They decided to invite her to dinner the following night so that I would be able to talk to her. They opted not to invite her parents, assuming they would try to set me up with a man. I was so exhausted I fell asleep on the car ride home, and was able to easily sleep until the next morning.

Since we didn't have to drive so far away we decided to allow ourselves a little extra sleep time. After a quick breakfast and coffee, we packed a tea and chocolate picnic and headed to a smaller mountain range called La Chaux-de-Fonds for a bit of winter hiking. We parked the car about a 30 minute walk from the cliff overlooking the Alps and hiked our way through the snow into a quite windy area with a beautiful view. Unfortunately for us it was quite cloudy that day, so we could not see the Alps, but the picnic in the snow was still a wonderful experience. Hiking back to the car was quite easy, because it was downhill. On the drive back we stopped to take some picture where we were able to see the alps, and I think they are some of my favorite pictures from the trip.

part of what looks like clouds in this picture is actually the Swiss Alps. And this picture does it no justice whatsoever.

We also stopped at a market to get items for our dinner that night. Daryn related the market to a small grocery store in America and I was overwhelmed to the core. At one point I thought I might pass out. This "small grocery store" was about the size of the biggest store I've been in since I got to Albania. It was not a pleasant experience. Luckily we were able to get in and out quickly. Once back at the house we continued our cheese and wine experience. I just can't get over how much we had, and how much I loved it all!

Then we headed to the train station to double check/ purchase our tickets for the following day. It was hard just knowing that the following day we would have to say goodbye. Daryn had been dying to play music since about 4 days into our journey, and Jenna and Florim's friend owns a beautiful electric grand piano. He was kind enough to have us over an hour so that him and Daryn could serenade us with some impromptu jazz music and a few other fabulous songs.

Raclette. mmmmm.....

Next on the list was a dinner of Raclette, which is a traditional Swiss meal of potatoes with melted cheese and seasonings on top. It is, of course cooked in a very special appliance and was delicious! I ate way too much just because it tasted so good. During this time we were joined by Florim's cousin and I got to talk to her a bit about Albanian and Kosovo. Eventually we made the decision that she would be staying the night and from that point on things spiralled downhill. It started with Daryn teaching her how to shotgun a beer and was followed by multiple drinking games, including musical chairs, many beers, and at one point champagne. Who knew 5 people could wreak such havoc. The night ended with us watching and laughing at some pretty ridiculous youtube videos and then passing out at about 2:30am.

The start to a wonderful night.

I slept terribly knowing that it was the final day of our journey together and that tomorrow I'd be on my own in Milan. I wondered to myself why I was so stupid in choosing to fly out of Milan. Why hadn't I just left from an airport in Switzerland? With the trip being over I was back to being confused about my life, and in need of being responsible for it again. It felt like leaving home all over again, except without all of the excitement about heading to unexplored territory. I tossed and turned for the majority of the night, and eventually forced myself to get out of the bed to shower. We ate breakfast slowly since we were a bit hungover, and after a few tears and hugs at the house we headed to the train station so Daryn could catch his train. More hugs, and uncontrollable tears. After we watched the train leave Florim and Jenna drove me to my train station about 45 minutes away. On the way there Florim said something that changed the way I will feel about saying goodbye for the rest of my life.

Goodbyes suck. They are terrible and horrible, but they are also incredible and beautiful. They are one of the greatest things in the world. The emotions brought to the surface of a goodbye are some of the truest emotions a person can produce. In that moment you aren't holding anything back. You are completely genuine to who you are and what you are feeling, and that is amazing. It reminded me of a quote I read when I was extremely homesick about 6 weeks into this experience. "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." -Winnie the Pooh. I'm the luckiest person in the whole wide world. And thus ends the portion of the journey with my best friend. I already miss him like crazy, but I'll hold on until the next time I get to say hello.

20 thousand roads....

The trip of a lifetime

So I’m gearing up for my Western European trip with my brother. I’m so insanely excited and also really nervous. The traveling I’ve done has been fairly easy because we’ve been renting cars and finding hostels to stay at. We can travel on our own accords. However, during this trip we travel by plane, train, and foot, and will be staying with couch surfers along the way. I’m pretty excited to surf, after hosting a few surfers myself. However, the winter weather is making me a bit nervous about our plans, and making it far more difficult to fit everything I need into a hiking pack.

I’m trying to go into the trip with my friend Cortney’s mindset about traveling: Have no expectations. If I have no expectations then I can’t be disappointed. However I think I was doing a bit too good at this. So good, that I was actually starting to get extremely stressed about it, and for a bit, not even wanting to go at all.

What caused me to get to this point? Mostly thinking about returning to Albania. My time here has gone so quickly already and I can’t believe that when I get back I’ll only have 6 months left. And chances are that is going to go even faster with starting school again, and searching for jobs. Here’s the thing: I just got over my culture shock, and quit being so desperate for a piece of home, 3 weeks ago. I’m worried that when I get back to Tirana I’m going to have to go through all that stress and craziness again. And what makes it even scarier is that this time I have no idea when the next time I’ll see any part of my family will be. Sure it could be in 6 months, but it could also be in 2 years.

So to try and make myself okay with this I went on my Pinterest sight and looked at all the items on my bucketlist. This made me more depressed. I have no money to travel this world! So I got to my really desperate point, and got out the American phone. I have no charger and it only has half a battery left, so I don’t turn it on often. Only when I’m really doubting myself and my decision. Then I re-read the last texts I got from my brothers. Both of them are so encouraging to me. And quite honestly if it wasn’t for their support I wouldn’t be where I am. And then I got excited. I get to have a real face-to-face conversation with my brother and best friend. I get to talk to him about all our worries, all our dreams, and all the adventures we have had while we’ve been apart. And we get to have one together.  :)

Christmas in 2010

New Years party 2011: gangster style

New Years eve 2012: let's skip the gingerbread latte this year please.

I’ll blog about it all when I get back, but I’m sure it is going to take a while to get caught up. Here is the itinerary as of right now.

December 24^th: Daryn will be arriving in Madrid on the morning of the 24^th and will go an meet our couchsurfing host as she has Christmas Eve plans. I will arrive in the afternoon (if all goes well in Turkey) and will meet him. I’m kind of hoping we can find a late night church service, but am also expecting Daryn to be exhausted from his journey. Wine and sleep will be just find with me.

December 25^th-26th: Explore Madrid. Eat Tapas, drink beer and wine, possibly meet up with some other couch surfers.

December 27^th: Get on plane to Brussels in the very early am. Spend a few hours explore Brussels and take a train to Gent. Spend the Evening in Gent.

December 28^th: Hope on train to Amsterdam. Spend the day exploring Amsterdam.

December 29^th: Take train to Berlin. Explore Berlin

December 30^th: Explore Berlin, take evening train to Munich

December 31^st: hang out in Munich

January 1^st-4^th- Hang out in Switzerland with Daryn’s friend from High School. Daryn and I will take trains to Amsterdam(him) and Milan (me) on the afternoon of the 4^th, and we both fly home on the 5^th.

It’s going to be packed and crazy, and I have a feeling nothing will go as planned, but the more I think about it the more excited I get!