Untitled Blog Post number 4

January 16^th 2013

I started working out again yesterday and I feel great! Ever since getting here I haven’t really understood how to work out. There are a few gyms, but they don’t look even as good at the terrible gyms in Minneapolis, and I can’t run because of the air pollution. I’ve decided I want to get back into running, but start very minimal, and only do it about once or twice a week.

Luckily for me, after a whole 4 months of getting in the grove of things, my fellow teachers have invited me to join in their new years resolutions with them. We are going to have kick ass bodies after this semester. One of the teachers downloaded Insanity Beach Body, and we are doing the 30 day challenge. We are going to work out 4 days a week after school. My plan is to take Friday as a rest day, go for a long walk on Saturday, and a short run (2 milesish) on Sundays. I’ll see how it goes. Today was the second day and I’m sore from head to toe, but my energy levels have spiked. After we finished the workout we all headed out to socialize for a bit and I was pretty giggly. Then I came home, turned on my happy music and danced around my living room for another 20 minutes. Then I reorganized two of my drawers, folded and put away my laundry, cleaned off the kitchen table and did my dishes.

It is pretty clear to me my body has missed this like crazy. Glad to be back at it, and I’m hoping it continues to go as well as it has. My semester of grad school (yes I decided to do it) starts in less than a week. It’s going to be tough to balance everything, but anyone who knows anything about me, knows that time management is my biggest strength. Excited to be back in the grind.

Also today something just feels right about life. The last few weeks I’ve been, almost, regretting coming to Tirana. I’ve just been thinking way too much about the other decisions I could have made and how different my life would be.  It may have something to do with the fact that I’m almost 23. When I was little I always thought I would get married when I was 23. I have no clue why, but I just did. Recently part of me has wondered what that life would have been like, and I’ve been desiring it a bit too much. Tonight, as I danced around my living room I realized I wouldn’t want my life to be any other way than how it is right now. Free, unattached, and beautiful. I can go anywhere, and I can do anything I set my mind to. I’m invincible! Then I found this quote:

January 19^th 2012

I have no desire to visit the Eiffel tower, but some days I just want to be anywhere but here. I looked into purchasing a flight home today.

January 20^th 2012

So confused. Before winter break I was thinking I didn’t want to go home this summer so that I could travel. Now I just want to go home more than anything in the world. I want to hug my niece and nephew, spend a few hours playing with them and reading books, and take them out for ice cream. Then I want to meet up with my brothers for some IPA and stout while we watch a packer game together. I want to have a cup of tea with my mom face to face, followed by a run with my dad.  I want to meet up with my college friends and go to terrible horrible college bars, and dance to terrible horrible music. I want to go to a bluegrass show and dance until my legs hurt. Then I want to wake up in the morning have a bloody mary, a burger with cheddar, some more IPA and fly back to Tirana. I’m hoping that the 9 mile hike in the mountains this weekend will be able to get me through until spring break.

A little later in the day

I think I’m a bit depressed. Mostly because I haven’t seen sunlight in about a week, and I had a crazy weekend. I need some vitamin D and some more sleep ASAP.

Here is a list of some things that make me happy:

1. Smiling: sometimes just working those muscles is all it takes
2. My friends: I have the best
3. A nice dinner out. This is needed sometimes. I mean asparagus cream soup, fresh bread, gnocchi, tiramisu, and wine? Who could want more?
4. Dancing. Exercise in general, really. Sit ups, walking, but mostly dancing in my living room to happy music.
5. Happy music. Seriously. For future depressed and sad Tiara reading this: stop listening to Ryan Adams and The Very Best on repeat. Turn on some happy bluegrass, or some p-funk. Also just force yourself to dance for 10 minutes.
6. Planning for the future. This is kind of depressing. Just live in the present Tiara, right? But at the same point. Thinking about my weekend trip and where I could be next year is pretty damn exciting.
7. Water. Chug it. I can never have enough.
8. Thinking about much more complicated my life COULD be. I talked to my mom today about how thankful I am I only have to make decisions for myself.
9. Thinking about how I can be a better teacher. I’m not a bad teacher, but I know I can be better. And when I think about those cute faces I want to be.
10. Getting out of the house. After 4 hours of sitting at home on the computer, I’m done for. I just hate being alone.

January 25^th 2012

When I think about all the havoc I managed to wreak in one night of my life it is unbelievable. One more shot than I needed, one mistaken kiss, one break up, one relationship, another dozen or so partial breakups, and finally one dumb discussion about one suggestion of a potential dream. Here I am Albania. All thanks to one too many shots. I mean “shots” in multiple ways. But whoever said drinking causes people to make bad decisions had no idea what they were talking about.

February 2^nd 2012

While walking home for the bars at 2:30 this morning completely stone sober I realized how out of my element I am here. No running, no hops, no bluegrass. I actually do know who I am. I’m a beer drinking, bluegrass dancing girl, who likes to long distance run in her free time. I don’t know how many more nights of half assed dancing and enjoying myself I can stand. I just want to go dance at a live bluegrass show after drinking a fair amount of delicious beers followed by some whiskey gingers. And then I want to wake up and go for a 4 mile run by Stone Arch the following morning. I’m trying Tirana! Tonight ended in a few tears. I have to shake these mood swing somehow.

In other news I’m throwing myself into research for my final class! And by “throwing myself into it” I mean procrastinating and being very confused about what being a student is. My topic: How to teach literacy skills to students of varying English skills. My research: how to create reading groups with zero materials and resources. This will be fun.

Also, I hate men. Mostly just, aggressive and crazy Albanian men who think they can just have any girl they want. Do they think I’m dumb?