A few weeks ago I was really confused. One second I was in
love with the idea of leaving here and the next I was in love with the idea of
staying. Little things would sway my mind completely from one direction to the other.
I just remember when I first met Scott and I told him I was
going to stay in Albania for two years. He told me about his life in China and
how he just wanted to go home until suddenly he knew he wanted to stay.
That is what life was like 2 weeks ago for me. I realized
how hard moving here was, and how used to my life I’ve already become. Sure
there are things I dislike, but there are also things I love. Quite
honestly, I think this proves that I’m going to fall in love with anywhere I go.
There will always be new experiences, new people to meet, new places to travel
to, and new life lessons. At 23, I’m still searching for who I am. And while
I’ve discovered a little bit about who I am (bluegrass dancing, Packer
watching, beer drinking, American girl) I have a lot of me to discover.
I have a lot to discover, especially
as far as teaching goes. I could stay in Albania and learn a lot as a second
year teacher. I could help this school transform a bit. Or, I could go
somewhere else and try my hand a new experience and a new culture of learning.
For my 23rd birthday my mother sent me a package
from home filled with pictures of those I love the most, 3 chunks of Wisconsin
cheese, and a beautiful necklace with the letter T in it. When I skyped with
her after receiving it she informed me she almost got me a Green Bay Packer
necklace, but decided this was a lot nicer quality, and that she thought of me
as soon as she saw it because T stands for teacher. I almost started crying.
During my year of student teaching I remember doubting if I
could be a teacher. I kept thinking to myself that it was too hard of a job for
me. I reminded myself that I wasn’t allowed to do anything halfheartedly. So if
I wanted to be a teacher it would have to be who I would become. I think I’m
starting to realized what being a teacher means, and I’m happy to say I will
continue to figure it out next
year, wherever I may be. Who knows where I will be, but I’ve decided it
won’t be Albania, and it won’t be America.
…may you one day carry me home.
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